Have you ever been so close to donating something, and are suddenly overwhelmed with guilt?  Maybe you tell yourself, “This was a gift from so and so - I can’t get rid of it!”  Or maybe it was an heirloom passed down from your grandmother?  Or an item you spent a little too much money on so you feel that you have to hang on to it?  If you’ve ever experienced any of this, you are not alone!

A few months back I had the honor of doing an interview with Indy Maven on this exact topic, so I thought I’d give you a glimpse into the article with some of my extended answers!

So, what exactly does it mean to have a healthy relationship with your possessions?

To me, a healthy relationship with your possessions means that you look around your space and love what you see. Items have meaning, evoke positive emotions, or they bring a smile to your face. My personal philosophy on “stuff” is that I want to create a space that tells the story of who we are, the people we love, where we’ve traveled and the experiences that have shaped us. I also aim to create a home where I don’t have to constantly say to my kids “don’t touch that” or get upset about an item getting scratched or torn. There is a time and place for that, and life with 2 year-old twins is not it.

What does a negative relationship with your possessions look like?

A negative relationship with your possessions can feel like a weight on your shoulders. I’ve had so many conversations with clients about the burden their things bring to their lives. That is a tough reality because it can be hard to find any joy or use out of your items, but you still feel compelled to keep them.

“Things” can really begin to weigh you down, infiltrating many other areas of your life in a negative way.

What questions can we ask ourselves to recognize the difference?

On a basic level, does this item bring a smile to your face? If not, why are you holding on? Common answers that I hear are “it was a gift,” “it cost $XXX,” or “it was passed down from someone I love.” I never want to pressure clients to give something away that means a great deal to them, but after they explain their reasoning, I’ll generally ask again, “So does it bring a smile to your face.” In many cases, it doesn’t, but people are often looking for permission to donate or pass along.

The other thing to remember is that you can keep a portion of a collection (say one teacup and saucer from the wedding china) and pull that item into use rather than storing an entire collection in the basement for years.

How can we navigate emotional attachment to our possessions?

A word of advice when it comes to your things – they are just things. At the end of the day, you aren’t able to take them with you and they don’t carry the memory. YOU have the ability to carry your memories along, without the “thing” taking up physical space. A recommendation that I’ve shared with several clients is to photograph items, or a collection of items, and create a book that showcases those photos, and more importantly, the stories that go along with them. Imagine a coffee table book that could be passed down from generation to generation filled with photos of heirloom pieces and the stories that belong to them. Ultimately, it is much less expensive than paying to store those items in a storage unit for decades to come.

How can we start reframing our thoughts about our possessions?

Chip away at it one box at a time. I think many things begin to lose meaning over time. If you are the type to save every piece of your kids’ artwork, go for it. But also schedule a date with yourself each year to take a look at what has been saved. Something that holds a great deal of meaning today, may be the thing you look at down the road and say, “Hmmmm, I wonder which kid made this?”

Another philosophy to keep in mind is to come to grips with the fact that everything will likely be donated at some point – whether by you, your kids or a generation down the road. Do your kids and grandkids a favor and work to keep things that hold meaning, and pass along the rest to those in need NOW. And if you need some guidance on where to donate, I’ve got a great resource right here. 

An example might be your children’s clothing. There are so many kids in need of clothing as a means of survival, so choose a few key outfits that remind you of a beautiful moment and pass the others along. That way, when your kids grow up and you bring out the bins of things to pass along, you’ve got great memories attached to the things you chose to keep and a less overwhelming collection to pass along to them.

So pull out the fancy china for a weeknight dinner, refinish that heirloom piece of furniture collecting dust in your attic so that you can proudly display it, and get creative with ways to honor those who have passed by celebrating the items you’ve chosen to hang onto. Oh, and give yourself permission to donate that item that’s no longer bringing you joy!

The Baer Minimalist helps busy families create ORGANIZED + STYLIZED spaces throughout Indianapolis. She loves honoring generations past by proudly displaying the things that mean most…and helping her clients do the same.

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